When my coach pissed me the F*CK off

A few months ago I had a session with a coach of my own.  Overall he’s been good for me, but he gave me some advice I just don’t agree with.  And as I’ve thought about it over time I’ve grown to disagree with it even more.

I had just dealt with some difficult, traumatic family stuff.  It was causing me to feel depressed, unmotivated, worthless.  It still does sometimes honestly.

He said “That’s in the past.  Leave it in the past.”

I was stunned.  And I’ve since realized it’s some of the most fucking shallow and goddam short-sighted advice I’ve ever received, on numerous levels.

And I guarantee you’ll never EVER hear me say anything like that.

The implication is that we all have baggage which can weigh us down if we’re not careful, thus suppressing our creative faculties.

So. Fucking. Shallow.

Leave the past in the past.

Which part exactly?

My parents’ divorce that continues to ripple through my life?

The complicated family histories which teed it up?

The cataclysmic world events that continue to inform a complex yet meaningful heritage?

The sweep of history in which imperfect people formed our imperfect political and economic institutions after millennia of violent experimentation and discovery?

The mysterious human species that gradually found itself not only conscious but self-aware in this surreal and bizarre soup of life?

The awe-inspiring birth of the universe which set everything into the ever-unfolding motion that still grounds existence itself?

We should leave ALL that stuff in the past?  Really?! It's all the same past. How do we choose?

It's not just problematic to say “leave the past in the past”. It's incoherent.

Because we constantly and continually generate the past through our actions in the present.  The past is real.  And the past is sacred.

That’s why I’ll never say ANYTHING like that.

Life is absurd.  The past is so full of trauma it makes my heart weep.  People are so beautiful.  And the world is so hard.  Still.  And I honor that.  It makes leadership the most worthwhile challenge.  And the most worthwhile leaders see this trauma, which gives them compassion for the people they guide through each moment.

The rich, complex, traumatic, and awe-inspiring past continues to course through our veins and souls.  We can’t escape it or stop creating it.  Each moment brings a new action.

History is full of people like you and me, making choices in the present, endlessly generating the past.  You CAN'T just leave it there. It’s still here, echoing through each moment.

That’s why I’ll never tell you to leave the past in the past.

Not only is it shallow and short-sighted.  It’s quite impossible.

Honor (y)our past like the rich treasure that it is.  It is (y)ours.  Complex.  Beautiful.  Absurd.  Inspiring.  In every culture you touch.  Everyone you meet has a past, just as rich and complex.

Remember this, and think and feel deeply, so that you can move and lead with compassion and intention.