A Pep Talk to Myself (and You)
As a coach I give my clients a lot of pep talks. Without exception I find them to be awesome, motivated, visionary individuals who work hard to build and grow super-cool stuff that will improve the world at every point of their influence.
And sometimes they doubt themselves. And that's okay. And you know what? Sometimes I doubt myself too. And sometimes something energetically undesirable happens that I really think I should have been able to avoid, and these situations make me feel awful. And once these things happen, they happen. Can't be undone. All we can do is observe the energy, discern the causes to the best of our ability, and recalibrate our motivations in each new moment. (By the way, that's not the same as saying "leave the past in the past" because the past is sacred, and a very important part of showing us where we are meant to go).
My clients are sometimes very hard on themselves. It's actually a good thing, because it means they care a lot about the people they are here to serve and support. And you know what? You guessed it! Sometimes (often) I'm hard on myself too, which is why I understand that so well. And I know how fine is the line between giving yourself grace and being complacent. Same with the line between perfectionism and holding a high standard. I don't know that we ever know for sure when we've crossed either of these lines, and leadership just might be a constant balancing act between both of them. We simply need to be at peace with that, stay present, withhold judgment as much as possible, and observe our thoughts and feelings as we proceed into the aforementioned ever-upcoming moments. How you do anything is how you do everything, but you can learn from the past and change the way you do anything and everything.
A couple days ago an entrepreneurial situation caused me to experience an intense episode of self-doubt and engage in some major introspection. Yesterday morning I decided to listen to some uplifting music and journal about it, which is often a helpful way to administer self-therapy and explore your subconscious. And I ended up with a pep talk to myself. It shares many of the themes that show up in messages that I send to my clients after their sessions.
While it doesn't describe the specific issue I faced, it shows the general, high-level themes of confidence, self-regard, and persistence that I help other leaders navigate. I know this territory intimately because I deal with it too. Every day. And more on some days than others 😄
I hope you find it helpful for your journey of growth, leadership, and creation ❤️
I feel like we shouldn’t be getting feedback like this after this long, and that it’s my fault - it’s decisions I made or avoided along the road as I was growing into the version of myself that I am now, which I like for many reasons. I wasn’t always this version of myself. Had I been that version I would have made different decisions, and faced the ones I was avoiding, which would make my life different today, but then I’d be a different person. I can only be who I ever was and have grown into based on decisions I did make, feedback I received, and certain factors I couldn’t have foreseen let alone control.
But I am where I am now, and I can see how everything is connected. That’s not the same as disentangling all of it, but clarity is always the first step. Should my intuition have known certain things? Perhaps. Did I lack courage at times? Yes. Others I have observed seem to have done both of these better. I don’t know how - all those people are so different, with different stories, worldviews, influences, and character traits. That’s who they were, and it brought them to who they are today. And as you have learned many of them have agonizing internal struggles that you wouldn’t wish on anyone. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
I am where I am, given what I’m given, challenged with what I’m challenged with. There is no escape. The only way out is through, and all results (of any kind) are on the other side of action or avoidance, which itself is also an action.
Like I tell those who trust me, I am the right man for the job. If I wasn’t, this challenge wouldn’t have shown up along my path. And today is the first day of the rest of my life. And my life is just a set of results. And it’s still the best time to be alive, because I get to deal with entrepreneurial challenges. They can feel awful, but they’re nowhere close to things like being forcefully relocated, separated from my family, starving, etc. Many, many ballparks away. We, graciously, have no concept of what any of that feels like, although many of our recent ancestors did, and that legacy has scarred our souls. But no, we deal with team members, customers, community members, company culture, digital marketing. And it’s a great opportunity. I different kind of battle. Don’t forget how much you have to be grateful for.
Did you think you were past these feelings, this kind of challenge? You may never be, and that’s okay. Because you can’t foresee everything. And the human condition is imperfect. Sometimes it feels this way. Sometimes things don’t go right. Stuff gets complicated. People and situations are unpredictable. You don't catch certain things until it's a little too late. You can see this honestly and not be a victim. If you’re a leader you acknowledge and own these truths. You say “I know, that happens sometimes. I choose to lead anyway, even though these situations cause me to doubt myself.” That’s not the same as failure, and people still admire you, look up to you, look to you, value your feedback and perspective. You have to keep your head up and work with what you’ve been given. I still deserve to be successful, as long as I learn, grow, and show up better on the other side of this.
And aren’t you forgetting how far you have come? Do you remember what you were like 10, 15, 20 years ago? Do you remember all that you had to learn, the skills you had to develop, all the different kinds of social capital you have worked so hard to build? It’s pretty unreal how much you have grown to get where you are today. And feelings like this suck. But they won’t take you down, because you’re a builder, a creator, and therefore you can ALWAYS improve what you have and envision something new.
You can do it. You’re the right one for the job and the only way out is through. Your future starts today and better results are coming. You got this. Don’t forget.