Everything you want is on the other side of…(Part 2)
Everything you want is on the other side of…(Part 2)
Yesterday we took a look at that classic phrase about getting what you want. We looked closely at this useful phrase and pulled out some of the nuance that is often missed. Read it here if you haven’t already.
We ultimately concluded that what you want comes down, 100% of the time, to finding AGREEMENT with others, and that agreement is always the result of some kind of communication.
That’s our prerequisite for today. And don’t miss the depth and import of this observation. It’s a very deep insight. Philosophy is the foundational human discipline - without it we can’t do anything else - every thought and action reveals a presupposition of some kind. And philosophy is all about crafting arguments, discerning the rational structure reality. With effective argumentation we bring people along and persuade them to see our point of view. Every argument draws together multiple premises.
What must we do to find peace? Agree with each premise. Fail to find agreement at any point and we can proceed no further.
So agreement is baked securely into the fabric of existence itself, and our brilliant, miraculous human minds have been picking up on this for millennia. Human progress, then, is a matter of progressive agreement, which is why our lives continue to improve.
But here’s the lesson for the day, and it’s based on themes I notice with almost everyone I talk to, be they official clients, prospective clients, friends, family members, or others.
The lesson is that agreement with others AND ourselves, is not always so simple to find. Sometimes, often, and especially when it really matters, it is actually very hard won. Don’t know why, but it is.
What you want is on the other side of agreement.
And agreement is often on the other side of…
…difficult conversations.
Yes, that’s right. When there’s a deep energetic misalignment, the agreement is elusive, and we must work hard to find it, either internally, or with those whom we must persuade.
I remember something that one of my first business mentors said. It made a deep impression on me, such that it stands out in my memories of a 2-day seminar even a decade later. He said: “Your success is directly proportional to the number of difficult conversations you are willing to have.”
And from my coaching work I can confirm this is true. The clients who really take responsibility for this have the best breakthroughs and find their energy freed up on the other side. And in some cases you must search very carefully for the disagreement, you must look deep below the surface, because the words often indicate agreement but hide the fact that the internal energy doesn’t. It’s a skill to discern this kind of thing, and it’s one you must learn as you grow and build.
So remember the wisdom of “helping others to get what they want in order to get what you want”, but don’t forget that it’s not always so simple or easy. Remember that humans are here to seek and create more and more agreement in every way. Remember that agreement is often hard won and, especially at crucial moments, found only on the other side of difficult conversations. And remember that you need to be very sensitive to the energy to find it.
I don’t know why this is. But it’s what we’re here to do. Working hard to find agreement is ALWAYS part of your growth journey, and always will be. There is literally endless agreement to create.