Struggling to understand human behavior?
Do you struggle to make sense of human behavior? I think we all do sometimes. And as creative, enterprising leaders, understanding people is really our bread and butter. The next time you are frustrated or vexed by what people are doing, or not doing, remember that it’s actually very simple. How simple? Here’s a story to help you understand how I see it.
Decades ago I attended a summer camp for a handful of years. I could tell you many stories about my experiences there, but most are not relevant to this question. Here’s one that is.
We were on a field trip of some kind, a rather long one, like multiple days. One stop was an amusement park. Not Disney, not Six Flags, not Busch Gardens. A rinky-dink amusement park in podunk rural southern Wisconsin.
It was underwhelming, and highly forgettable. And we had to spend a day there. And we had to do it with the buddy system. I ended up in a group with two other guys, and much of the day was spent figuring out what to do next. This was a challenge because the park was so lackluster. We also didn’t have much money (at one point I remember pooling our limited resources to buy a single order of onion rings that we shared - onion ring breading dipped in ketchup - yum!).
I remember it was the impulse of one of my group members to despair. He kept saying “This place SUCKS. There’s nothing good to do.” Had I allowed him, he would have pulled me into that vortex of lethargy, discouraging any real activity for the duration of our stay. I wasn’t satisfied with that, and I told him.
Our third group member, feeding off my ambition, said “C’mon - we gotta do SOMETHING.” And with the majority position we started to figure it out.
Was it a memorable day? No. The low-vibration group member was not incorrect in his assessment of the park’s inadequacy. I do remember having fun, but working as a team to have the best possible day is what I remember the most, so it ended up being a lesson in leadership and team building more than a day of amusement. Ultimately that has proven more valuable than a day of actual “fun” at a truly entertaining park, which itself indicates some kind of funny tension with human life.
So, what’s the analogy? The third member of my group was right. We DID have to do something, and wallowing in our (decidedly first world) plight was an option, but not the one I wanted.
Existence is the amusement park, and your life is the day you have to kill there. You didn’t ask for it, and sometimes (often) it kind of sucks. I call this unasked for day at the mediocre amusement park of life “existential friction”, which is one of 4 perennial problems with the human condition I help leaders identify, understand, and overcome. Actions are not optional, and ultimately you have 2 possible responses.
Dwell on the despair of discomfort - this leads to complaining, avoidance, numbing, cynicism, and bitterness. It’s ultimately antisocial and will stifle your efforts at attracting the things you want.
Look for a vision and build - this leads to creation, growth, optimism, and connection. And as a leader you know the only thing you ever really build is relationships. Everything else is attracted via those.
I think it’s really that simple. When you are struggling to understand why people do what they do, remember these key points:
We didn’t ask to exist
Actions are not optional
All actions are motivated by despair or growth. All of them. Yours and others’.
As a leader it is your job to constantly reframe the discomfort and inspire others to build through clear, authentic, persuasive communication
That’s it. Try it and see. Again, it’s really that simple. No existence? No problem. No day at the amusement park either though, so you could miss out on something really great. Your, and all of our, existence is a problem, and you CAN have a good day. It’s your (and all of our) job and responsibility to create the best day possible.
I assert that all other frameworks that attempt to understand human motivation and behavior are built on this basic premise, even if they don’t realize it.