Why I don’t like the term “best self”

Sometimes I hear people use the term “best self” to describe the person they want to become or help others to become.  I don’t like that term.

I prefer to use “ideal self”.  Maybe that seems like a distinction without a difference to you, but to me it is a significant distinction, and a distinction of significance (see what I did there?!)

The word “best” implies completion, conclusion, closing the case.  But that never happens.  Life is a journey.  History is a journey.  Existence is a journey, and we’re all on it together.  The ideal is envisioned and grasped for, but never attained.  If we fail to realize this we misconstrue reality.

Another important resonance, to me at least, is that ideal self implies levels of involvement with others.  It’s not that “best self” exists in a vacuum, but “ideal” is instantly visionary and works automatically and inevitably on numerous levels as you think through the execution of your vision and the personal growth it demands.

A vision of the ideal cannot help but to imply how one relates not only to self (which is important), but also to their family, their team, their community, and their world.  A vision of the ideal must include all of these or else it simply lacks the nuance and complexity to animate the spirit WITH the understanding that the world can never be perfected, and for that reason our work is never done.  Our ideal must continually refresh and transform so that we may adapt our vision, and this requires thinking of ourselves among others.

It is a vision of the ideal, on all these levels, that truly turns a human into a thoughtful, driven, purposeful leader and agent for positive transformation with a mature understanding of tradeoffs and reverence for the collective trauma we carry together through this strange and wonderful world.

A vision of your ideal self is found by exploring the Realm of Purpose, which is where I prefer to inhabit, so I know it well.  We get there by starting with your “-rations”.  Everyone has two kinds of “-rations”:

FRUSTrations - what you HAVE but do not WANT

ASPIrations - what you WANT but do not HAVE

Everyone has both kinds of -rations.  Everyone.  Because the world is not perfectible.  But a vision moves us closer to the ideal.  You will ALWAYS have both kinds of -rations.  But they will change as you develop, grow, face your fears, pursue your visions.

IMO, the “ideal self” accounts for all of this in important ways that “best self” does not.

So, rise each day, renew your vision of the ideal, and continue to approach it with peace and optimism.  It’s the most any of us can do, and it’s what the world needs.
 

Let me know if you want to talk about developing a vision of YOUR ideal self.