DAMNED Restless/Prelude to Theology/my secret 🤫 job title

It’s Labor Day weekend.  Hot as blazes.  And I’m on a diet.  All that is adding up to a great restlessness.

Here’s why:

1. I don’t really like holidays.  I prefer the flow of the workweek with prompt communication and a sense of creative momentum.  That’s where I’m happiest and most comfortable.  It’s like I know things are in motion and moving toward a goal.  This is likely because I am self-employed and so my income rests entirely on my own efforts.

2. I just endured 100 degree heat to take a 2 mile walk in fulfillment of my fitness challenge.  Hot as blazes 🌞🥵 I’m not going outside anymore today, so I’m stir crazy.

3. To pass the time and numb myself on an expansive day such as this I would typically resort to some kind of nutritionally empty comfort food or adult beverage.  But I can’t do that right now.

4. Eating better, abstaining from drink, more exercise, and a ton of water is giving me increased energy that I don’t know what to do with! ⚡

And so…I’m enduring pure Existential Friction today.

I remember when I launched my coaching and thought-leadership practice a year ago.  I was on fire with motivation 🔥 I remember days where I wrote 3 different posts, as long as this one.  That’s the vitality of novelty.  It wears off.  Today I know that’s not the best use of my time.  My intuition is telling me to take it easy today.  I have a lot to prepare for in the coming weeks, but I’m hearing internal instructions not to stress about that until Tuesday, so I am listening and trusting that the timing will work out right.

Oh, and I’ve been devouring podcasts, because that’s what I do.  Some people talk about “inbox zero”.  For me it’s “podcast zero”.  I dream of the day that I completely empty my cue.  Secretly I know I can’t and won’t ever do that, nor do I desire to (Sublime Sublimated Absurdity of the Ideal of Imperfectability, anyone?).  But I feel a major motivation to listen to content that interests me, and somehow new episodes keep finding their way into my cue…

One of my favorite topics to listen to is theology.  I spend a good deal of mental space contemplating the nature of God, or what you might call “Ultimate Reality”, and wondering which of the major religions come the closest to capturing it.  Intuitively I know it’s not possible to do this, but I can’t stop listening to apologists debate.

And that’s my secret job description, as promised: theologian.  Because I do believe in God.  Nothing about human life makes sense otherwise.  But I don’t know the “correct” or “most accurate” way to think about and approach whatever this means, or if it’s even possible to capture by thought or word within the metaphysical frame to which we perpetually unsatisfied humans are consigned.  This too makes me restless, at the very level of being itself. “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee.” But I have yet to be rationally and intuitively satisfied by any concept of God I have ever heard. Ontological restlessness.

This theological bent makes me a better coach and leadership consultant, because I’m always looking for divine purpose.  And not in a woo-woo way.  I’m looking in a metaphysically grounded manner that respects the esteemed legacy of sacred striving that is the sacred inheritance of philosophy, theology, religion, and mysticism.

Today we were giving our home office a long overdue decluttering and I made two discoveries.  

The first is the second season of Joan of Arcadia, a family television drama about a spunky, compassionate, but sometimes impulsive teenage girl who talks with God in every episode.  Yes, that’s correct.  Years ago Heidi and I watched this show.  I rewatched the first season, but not the second.  So, I think I will satisfy my restless intuitions by doing that today and tomorrow.

The second is a burned CD from…gosh…a good 10 years(?!) ago containing two gentle, reflective songs that were used in that show.  Feels like a synchronicity, a little nod from the Universe regarding the direction to go today.  They are warm, subtly metaphysically-oriented songs that effectively match the tone of the show.  Here are links to both.

Enjoy.  I’m going to ease my restless Existential Friction engage with a little popular theology, because I’ve had enough of the apologists for now, even if my journey to podcast zero will be waylaid a bit.  I’m not too broken up about that 😊

Soon enough I will send some theology to you.

Until then!