The Power of…Negativity?!
Chat GPT Summary:
The author reflects on the significance of negativity and its role in human understanding and growth. They describe an encounter at a community event where a skeptical visitor questioned the positivity of their work, especially the ambitious title of their new book. The author acknowledges the importance of both positivity and negativity in comprehending the complexities of the human condition. They assert that while they maintain a positive outlook, they believe that acknowledging the inherent pain and suffering in life is essential for genuine healing. The author shares a story of a coach who offered shallow positivity after the author experienced personal trauma, highlighting the damaging effects of overly simplistic optimism. They emphasize the value of embracing negativity as a means to confront pain, heal, and ultimately find beauty in life's challenges. The author connects this concept to the biblical story of the Garden of Eden and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. They conclude by asserting that the power of negativity is crucial for personal development and reaching one's full potential.
The Power of…Negativity?!
If God had wanted us to be happy He wouldn’t have put the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the Garden of Eden.
The Power of Positivity has its limits.
I write this having returned from a community event that I sponsored. I had a booth and the opportunity to engage various passersby in conversation about my work and service. I’m sure you’ve been to events like that. It was fun, full of people having a good time, and it’s one of my favorite local causes.
Earlier in the evening I was standing at my booth and a gentleman, a bit on the older side, approached me, curious about my stuff. I’m always really interested in the people that my brand attracts because, well, I love my brand. It’s shaped out of my deepest and most authentic thoughts. So, of course I’d want to spend as much time as possible with people who find them interesting and helpful.
I had a few copies of my new book there. It’s called “The Complete Guide to Human Dynamics: Your comprehensive guide to thriving in the human condition, no matter where and when you have been placed.”
He looked at it and said with a note of skepticism “Well that’s an ambitious title.” And I’ve heard that from other people too.
But I mean what I say, and I say what I mean, which is why people trust me.
I replied “Yes, I know. And I am also confident that I have an unusually deep level of insight into the human condition.”
He looked at some of my other materials, much of it decorated with the soothing blue sky and cloud motif I often use, and said “I bet you tend to have a positive outlook on things. My daughter ran off to marry a wayward man that I don’t like, and I’ve spent extensive time in third world countries watching suffering up close.”
I said “Yes, I understand. And you might be surprised. While I do keep a positive frame of mind whenever possible I also hold a deep conviction that the human condition is fundamentally an unhealthy one. Pain and pleasure are bound up inseparably straight through the heart of our existence in a way that we can’t ever escape, and that’s not a positive thing, but it’s one we must see clearly to be at peace.”
Then I handed him a laminated copy of what I call the “5 Perpetual, Perennial, Paradoxical, Problematic Dysfunctions of the Human Condition”, which are the 5 fundamental reasons I find this to be true. You can grab your own copy here.
He read it for a few moments and said "YOU wrote these?!"
I confirmed that I had.
He said, “This is some truly insightful stuff. Keep doing what you’re doing. The world needs it.”
I told him I appreciated that and gave him the laminated 5 Dysfunctions as a gift for sharing a sacred moment. That conversation was truly a blessing. He was obviously touched and moved by the clear, nuanced, and honest assessment of the human condition. Life is a bittersweet kind of confection.
That’s the power of negativity. People are in pain. We have all been, and continue to be, traumatized on so many levels, and mere positivity just doesn’t do the job we need. Not entirely. I’m not saying not to stay positive, because I consider myself to be a very positive person. And my clients find the time they spend with me to be incredibly uplifting and inspiring - they all tell me that. But you have to know, understand, and see people’s pain to heal it. And when people dogmatically and inflexibly promote mere positivity it actually does more harm than good. In fact, the very concept of positivity is only meaningful when we experience negativity for the contrast.
A while ago I told the story of a coach I once worked with who hurt me through this approach. It’s called “When my coach pissed me the F*CK off”. He was trying to help, but he made me feel much, much worse. I actually still have trauma around it and I am weeping a little as I write this. I had just returned from my grandmother’s funeral. She is a Holocaust survivor and that family has its share of deep trauma. My relationship with my Dad has been tenuous in recent years and as we parted ways he said something that hurt me very badly. It depressed me and caused me to lose a good deal of the professional and creative momentum I had built.
When I got on the call with the coach and I told him about it he simply said “That’s in the past. It’s time to move on.”
I can’t tell you how hard that was to hear, how painful it was to realize that he was not the coach for me, and how quickly I made the difficult decision to sacrifice the considerable money invested in that program because I knew I could never talk to him again.
At that moment I made a promise to myself and all the future wounded warriors who would end up in my care to never, ever say anything as insultingly shallow, disrespectful, or downright emotionally abusive as that. Life is too short, and our spirits too precious to be damaged by such positivity.
For us to be truly healthy and integrated, positivity must always be tempered by the power of negativity, which is what the gentleman I met this evening found to be so nourishing to his battered soul.
God, Himself, must love trauma and regard it as essential to the meaning of life. Otherwise, He would not have tempted us with the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, setting the trap that launched the legacy of sin and suffering that is our inheritance and provision. Our achingly beautiful inheritance and provision, from which we long so sweetly for existential relief.
God, in His supposedly infinite wisdom, which I question. But who am I to question? Romans 9:20 🙃
Yes, you can do great things. All of my clients do. I am exceedingly proud of the accomplishments they achieve and the difficult choices they make. And that takes positivity.
But it also takes the maturity and wisdom to know that all benefits come with a cost, and sometimes people we care about hurt us, and vice versa. And that’s okay. And it’s not what we want, but it’s our story, and our stories are beautiful because they are painful. And we’re all in this together, like one big human support group. And to heal we MUST hurt. And without hurt we can’t heal. And healing is beautiful.
And that’s the power of negativity. It’s a power you need to be your best and to operate at your optimum level, so don’t forget that.
And I’m here for you if you need help processing this.